Should I tell my kids we’re moving early or later?
Should you tell your kids about the move now — or wait and hope stress disappears?
Quick answer
Tell them early enough to give emotional control, late enough to keep logistics intact. For most families, 4–8 weeks before the move hits the sweet spot. That balances honest communication with practical planning and reduces stress, improves mindset, and lets you guide emotions.
Why timing matters: emotions, stress, mindset
Kids do not react to facts alone. They react to how you feel, how much control they have, and how secure they feel. Early notice gives kids time to process grief, ask questions, and rehearse the new routine in their mind. Late notice creates shock, tantrums, and a mindset of betrayal. That increases cortisol for everyone and makes the move harder.
I work with families every week. I see the same pattern: parents who communicate early keep control. Parents who hide it try to avoid short-term stress and get long-term chaos.
Practical timeline for different ages
- Preschool (2–5): 2–4 weeks. Keep it simple. Use play and picture books to explain change.
- Early elementary (6–9): 4–6 weeks. Give concrete details: school, friends, room setup.
- Tweens (10–13): 6–8 weeks. Involve them in planning. They need agency to build a positive mindset.
- Teens (14+): 8+ weeks. Treat them like adults. Talk about timing, logistics, and social moves.
Exact steps to reduce stress and shape mindset
- Plan your message. Decide what you’ll say and what you’ll hold for later. Keep truth and hope together: “We’re moving, but here’s how we’ll make it better.”
- Control the narrative. Say the move is a family decision, not punishment. Use language that empowers: options, choices, and plans.
- Offer rituals. Packing parties, letting kids choose a box for special items, creating a countdown.
- Create a micro-plan for the first 30 days after the move: school meetings, neighborhood walk, favorite snacks. Predictability lowers cortisol.
- Be consistent. Keep calm. Your mindset is contagious. If you show solution-focused action, kids mirror it.
Common objections — answered
- “They’ll worry too much if we tell them early.” If you leave them guessing, worry grows. Honest, age-appropriate info plus a plan reduces anxiety.
- “They’ll tell everyone and ruin plans.” Set expectations about timing and give them ways to share control: practice what to say.
Final, clear answer
Tell kids early enough to process and participate — usually 4–8 weeks. Adjust by age. Pair timing with a plan that reduces uncertainty. That’s how you convert fear into excitement.
Next step
Want a ready-made script for your child’s age and a 30-day post-move checklist? Tony Sousa has helped dozens of families move with less stress. Download the guide or book a 15-minute call to get a tailored plan.
Contact: Tony Sousa — tony@sousasells.ca | 416-477-2620 | https://www.sousasells.ca
